What that man needs in order to commit to you

When it comes to relationships and dating, a common question on many women’s minds is “What will make him want to commit?” You’ve likely been there yourself – going back and forth about whether this guy you care about wants something serious and what magic formula can seal the deal to make him yours officially.

While there’s no singular cheat code that works across the board, as every person’s path to commitment readiness is unique, there are several key areas worth examining if your goal is inspiring a man to happily choose you as his partner for the long haul.

If you’re seeking that modern day love story where he goes all in and decides you’re the one worth rebelling against his bachelor existence for, here are the essential areas he’ll need to feel on lock before realizing you’re wifey material.

He Needs to Trust You Have His Best Interests at Heart

In order for a man to fully open up and commit, he has to feel like you have his back and that your motives for the relationship are pure rather than based on ulterior motives or neediness.

It’s about far more than just being loyal physically. He needs to know you’re a true teammate who has his emotional well-being as a top priority. This means:

Being someone he can confide in without fear of harsh judgment or his vulnerabilities being used against him.
Displaying patience and understanding when it comes to his quirks, flaws, and personal struggles rather than attempting to constantly fix or overhaul him per your preferences.
Consistently showing up for him in a supportive manner when challenges or difficulties arise rather than vanishing or making it all about you.
Never scheming or purposefully withholding to try extracting certain behaviors or commitment benchmarks from him. That violates transparency.
Always being a calming voice of reason and having his best interests in mind even when you two disagree or argue.

Overall, he needs to experience your loving care as something pure and drama-free. Any sense of you having an agenda or being codependent versus an independent person establishing healthy interdependence becomes a red flag. When you prove time and again you’re firmly on his team, it goes such a long way in inspiring him to see you as the one.

He Needs to Feel Appreciated and Admired

Just as praise and verbal affirmation of feeling cherished are important to many women, men have egos and crave feeling deeply appreciated too. At his core, a man needs to feel admired and validated by his romantic partner.

This isn’t just about inflating him with superficial compliments here and there either. He wants substantive appreciation and acknowledgment for the things he does to provide, support, and uplift you as his woman.

Some ways to demonstrate this could be:

Verbal acknowledgment of how his consistency, effort, or determination inspires you
Making a big deal over the tiniest gestures or acts of service he does for you
Thanking him for being present and engaged versus disappearing emotionally
Writing love notes highlighting the qualities and values you respect in him
Introducing him with pride and boasting a bit about his accomplishments to others
Simply saying “I appreciate YOU and having you in my life” periodically

Men want to feel their partners perceive them as catch-worthy individuals worthy of the relationship and the chance you took on them. Provide that open-hearted appreciation and you reach deeper self-esteem layers that inspire devotion.

He Needs to See His Visions and Values Embodied In You

Whether he’s admitted it to himself or not, most men with commitment potential have a vision or set of qualities they aspire for in a life partner. His openness to that reality depends on experiencing those visions and values come to life through your character, mindset, and approach to the relationship.

This doesn’t require you to morph into something you aren’t, of course. However, if you find yourself constantly clashing over core philosophies like:

Views on marriage, family, and lifestyles with kids
Beliefs around finances, career paths, and quality of life
Dating philosophies regarding roles, boundaries, and priorities
Stances on hot-button political, cultural, or social issues
Conflicting love languages or attachment styles

…it will prove extremely difficult to progress toward commitment. He needs to see consistency and compatibility – not constant friction and detours away from his deepest desires, non-negotiables and integrity.

The clearer you are at upholding his vision and embodying that dream girl energy befitting of his future reality, the less hesitant he’ll become about exclusively choosing you as his teammate for the long haul. You’ll start to seamlessly blend into his innermost heart’s wishes.

He Needs to Feel Chosen and Desired

One of those deep core psychological needs that gets taken for granted for most men is the need to just feel chosen and desired – both emotionally and physically. We often underestimate how powerful feeling pursued and wanted for more than superficial attributes is.

Even the most confident and commitment-oriented men still harbor insecurities and questions about whether they genuinely inspire that visceral “I can’t let this guy get away” energy in his partner. If your energy remains somewhat passive, it can feed into subconscious doubts over your authenticity.

When he feels the intensity of being chosen and lusted after as a prize worth fighting for, intense chemistry ignites that rapidly paves the path toward lock-down commitment. Some tips around making him feel this:

Feed compliments about his physical appearance frequently
Be an initiator of physical intimacy and romantic gestures
Lock eyes, create moments of unbroken tension and give him your undivided desire/attention when together
Flirt shamelessly, speak to his love languages through words/acts aimed at his happiness
Be patient and consistent – don’t play hot and cold or keep him perpetually confused over your interest level
Channel that “simply captivated just by being around you” energy focused solely on him

When he feels set apart as the exclusive object of your unconditional romantic desire and dedication, building an impenetrable and permanent partnership becomes the obvious next craving.

He Needs to Feel Safe and Trust Safety With You

As much as society reinforces narratives of independence and ubermale bravado, the truth is that every man – no matter how macho or stoic – yearns for that safe space and deeper emotional intimacy with their lifelong partner.

A key gateway to commitment occurring is when he drops that tough outer facade and lets his authentic vulnerability shine. This happens when you prove yourself to be that trusted sanctuary where he experiences being:

Able to let his guard down without judgment or criticism about shortcomings
Free to expose his most shameful insecurities and wounds without escalated drama
Celebrated for the complexities of his identity – anger, fears, silliness, playfulness included
Completely accepted and not rejected out of hand for instances of weakness or off days
Listened to and comforted during times he loses confidence rather than pushing him away

Overall, he needs to sense that home environment and refuge with you. When your presence and your proven track record of discretion and nurturing creates that contented sense of relief and escape from the pressures of external life, immense commitment follows. He’ll feel empowered to make that exclusive choice.

He Needs to Feel the Relationship Contains Multitudes

While solid emotional intimacy and a stable home base are essential for commitment, a man also needs to feel expansiveness and variety within the relationship itself. Feelings of being trapped, confined, or lacking autonomy will breed paralysis over advancing things.

So while making him feel safe and settled into a consistent, affirming rapport is key, he also needs personal space at times to:

Pursue his own passions, hobbies, and male friend bonding time
Feel challenged by your differences even amid commonalities
Explore new adventures or bucket list experiences together
Evolve intellectually and have thought-provoking conversations
Navigate letting loose or injections of fun, playfulness and unpredictability together

Essentially, he needs to feel the relationship contains those magical, expansive multitudes that provide room for growth and explorative variety versus stagnant complacency. If you can provide that delicate balance of security and range, committing forever becomes an intriguing option.

He Needs to See You’re On the Same Team

More than anything, commitment inspiration stems from a man’s ability to let his guard down and experience you as someone on the same team and wavelength as his ideal partner. Meaning:

You advocate for and honor his needs and desires – not just your own
You’re willing to handle conflicts and disagreements through collaboration, not adversarial clashing or petty point-scoring
Your vision and future goals for major lifestyle elements are genuinely compatible and symbiotic
You uplift and champion his ambitions, hopes and aspirations versus seeing them as competition with your own
Your rapport contains a foundation of care, silliness, joy and mutual understanding that can’t be replicated with others
At your cores, you’re traveling the same spiritual or philosophical path together toward transcendence and fulfillment as partners

When a man senses a real-deal teammate and life partner who thoroughly “gets” and embraces who he is and where he aims to go in life, he’ll rapidly shave off guards and open himself up to that forever love. He’ll experience you as irreplaceable.

Committing to share your journeys together will be a no-brainer when you eliminate reasons for doubt and prove you’re the destined dream girl whose ideals, essence and loves fuse seamlessly with his own.

At that point, any hesitation or fears of permanence are washed away by the overwhelming feeling of being so authentically cherished, desired, and prioritized. It’s just a natural, organic progression to lock things down.